A Haunted House (2013)
I did not expect much from A Haunted House. I decided to skip seeing the movie in the theatre. I knew that it was not going to be the greatest, although I thought it might be at least good for a few laughs. I was wrong, dead wrong.
I figured the movie would be like Scary Movie (2000) or any of its 4 sequels. Why shouldn’t it be? It is a spoof movie like those movies. It was written by Marlon Wayans who also wrote all of those movies. He also stars in those movies. It is bound to be at least kind of funny like those movies, right? I thought it would be and that is why I watched it. I was sorely mistaken. I can honestly say that A Haunted House was one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. Not the worst, but certainly one of them. That is saying a lot, because I have literally seen thousands of movies.
The film is a spoof on Paranormal Activity (2007) and several other horror movies. Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) asks his girlfriend (Essence Atkins) to move in with him. As soon as she arrives, bad things start happening. Paranormal events occur and the couple eventually starts to think that their house is haunted.
I am not lying when I tell you that I did not laugh once during the entire movie. I knew that the movie would be raunchy and stupid, but it went way beyond that. Instead of being raunchy humor and stupid humor, it was just stupid and sick. Moments that were on the verge of being funny, fell flat because they were extremely unoriginal.
The movie was written my Marlon Wayans and Rick Alvarez. It was directed by Michael Tiddes. The cast also includes Marlene Forte, David Koechner, Dave Sheridan, Nick Swardson, Andrew Daly, Cedric the Entertainer, Affion Crockett, and J.B. Smoove.
A Haunted House is a comedy without the laughs. The movie is a complete waste of time and money. My only hope is that I am able to spare you the torture of viewing this rancid piece of excrement.
I rate this movie a 1 on a scale of 1-10.
Buy, rent, or run? RUN! And don’t look back.
Grown Ups 2 (2013)
Can Adam Sandler do us all a favor and stop making unwatchable garbage. He has not made a good movie for years. Arguably his best movie in the last 7 years was Just Go with It (2011) and that is not saying much. Click (2006) was probably his last good movie. The majority of the movies that he made before Click were all hilarious in their own way. After Click, all of Sandler’s movies turned into pure excrement.
Was the first Grown Ups (2010) not bad enough? Do we really need to be subjected to a sequel?
In the first Grown Ups, Adam Sandler got all of his almost washed-up, aging comedian friends together (Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Tim Meadows, Dan Patrick, Colin Quinn, Maya Rudolph, Blake Clark, Norm MacDonald, Jonathan Loughran, and Dennis Dugan)to make a not so funny, not very family friendly, family comedy also with the likes of Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, Steve Buscemi, and Sandler’s wife Jackie Sandler and 2 daughters Sadie Sandler and Sunny Sandler.
So now 3 years later, he brought most of them all back together again and made a sequel. Is it safe to assume that they are all actually washed-up this time since they are back for more? He had to try to top the first one, so he added Taylor Lautner, Milo Ventimiglia, Andy Samberg, David Henrie, Alexander Ludwig, Steve Austin, Taran Killam, Nick Swardson, Shaquille O’Neal, Cheri Oteri, Erin Heatherton, and Melanie Hutsell to the mix.
I can’t believe Sandler pulled it off, but this movie looks worse than the first one. I will most certainly skip this film in the theatre and I won’t even waste my money at the Redbox. It would have to be free for me to watch this, and even that will be risky.
Dennis Dugan directed both Grown Ups movies.
The trash will be picked up on, I mean the movie will release on 7/12/13.